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"oh... I have thought a lot about that day... and how I will respond... if and when it happens. I come from a single parent home myself where my dad voluntarily removed himself from most of our lives... and I watched my mom go through that exact scenario with my sister. My heart hurt for you just reading this post.... and for my own at the very thought of it. You have done a remarkable job with your daughter... And like you... I also work my butt off to provide my 5.5 year old with consistency and am constantly trying to ensure she isn't going to be somehow scarred from the divorce... but somehow... they manage to hit us where it hurts the most... because we are so vulnerable to those little girls... our hearts beat for them... the air we breath is to give them life... So I totally get what you are going through right now. But you are still a super mom! And you always will be.... And from the child point of view... My mom was and still is a supermom! She worked her butt off to be both mom and dad for me and my sister.... and while yes at times I did miss my dad terribly and it hurt like hell that he didn't want to be in my life.... my mom was always there to pick me off the ground or help mend my heart when it felt like it had been shattered into a million pieces when I sat at the front door waiting 4 hours for a father that didn't care enough to keep a visit with his daughter. I remember her being there for me... I remember it clear as day... her strength is a gift to me... as will yours be to your daughter. You are loved... cherished.... and despite her statement... you are her supermom!"
I forget sometimes that I already have a little window into Lil M's world..... I need to try to take myself back to that place once in awhile... Though I know it will serve to help me be more sensitive to her needs and feelings.... It's a place I don't like to frequent too often because well... to be honest... there's a certain type of pain one must endure to remind one's self that their own father willingly removed himself from their life.... But I can honestly say that the wonderful memories my own supermom provided for me did not go unnoticed. The camping trips, the dance classes, the days at the beach, the birthday parties, the swimming lessons, baseball teams, back to school clothes shopping (yes mom I still have fond memories of those trips!!), and most importantly the hugs and kisses and contant, consistent love and affection showered upon me when I was melting down because my father seemingly didn't want anything to do with me. It's the nights I woke up crying because the monsters were chasing me in my dreams.... and she would let me crawl in bed alongside her so I wouldn't be afraid. She was always there for me... she was strong, she was brave.... she was invincible... she was and is... forever and for always... my supermom!
There have been times where I felt a bit "bitter" when a child will tell me that they love their father more, or that they wanted to be with him rather than me... however, I have learned that it is normal. My children simply miss the one parent that they dont see enough of, and sometimes they get sick of me. Also, I am the one with the rules while dad has "fun time" on the alternating weekends that he has them. There is no chores or homework, no morning crazyness and.. well, they get away with more.
ReplyDeleteNow when my children say things like this to me I say "I know you miss dad, do you want to call him?".
It is so hard being a single mom.. sometimes we think we do it all with little appreciation but trust me as the kids get older they so get all that you do..