Moving on...

To a much lighter subject... joyful really.  Tho September brought much saddness into our lives... and we are still grieving the loss of our fur baby... Mr Man was my rock... he cried with me when I needed to cry... and held me when the tears subsided... He made me laugh when I thought it was impossible... and helped both myself and LilM through our sad sad sad sad days.  My heart still hits the floor some days when I open the front door to an empty foyer... but I break down less often.   The pain is still there... but then I feel that little person kicking the crap out of my insides and I can smile.

In three months I will meet this little person, and I can't wait.  It took some time for me to allow myself to truly connect tho I must confess.   The fear of losing another baby to miscarriage is something you never quite get over..... It leaves a scar on your heart and it follows you around forever.  I still remember it like it was yesterday.  It's an experience that robs you of the true joy of any subsequent pregnancy I think for me at least.  And it is so hard to let go of the fear the holds you back from allowing yourself to connect to this life inside of you.  Don't get me wrong. I loved this baby from the moment of conception, even before that really, but I just couldn't let go of my fears.  But I can honestly tell you that now I have.  I love her with all of my heart, and no matter what happens throughout the journey of this pregnancy I will not allow myself to succumb to my fears.

Life is good.  No... Life is great.  There is never enough money.  Never enough time.  I still have to share my daughter and I've been thrown at least half a dozen life altering curve balls in the last 6 months.  But I am surrounded by love, kindness, and compassion.  Not to mention I am currently housing one very sweet little baby GIRL!!!! Here's a sneak peak at the soon to be newest addition to our family....

Hello baby girl!  We are anxiously aniticipating your arrival!