Bella... aka the hoover.... is gone. forever. It all began in early september.... or so I thought. We had noticed for some time (last 3 months) that she had started getting really finicky about food. Not like our dog AT ALL. I mean this dog would eat ANYTHING. Butter, rocks, cucumbers, tomatoes... you name it. And then she threw up and we thought for sure she had swallowed a sock or something... because she loved to devour socks... and we were so vigilant around the house. Even LiLM was careful to close all doors at all times and leave no sock unattended. She had a visit to the vets and one very large bill later she threw up some hair and we moved on.... things were okay... or so we had thought. We couldn' have been more wrong. The finicky eating turned into a complete food strike... we tried everything to get her to eat... She stopped getting up in the morning when we did and was lethargic and depressed.... or so we thought. So off to the vets once again. We took her to a 24 hour place because our regular vet was closed since it was Sunday... but we just couldn't wait... she threw up constantly what little food we managed to get in her...
She spent the night at this strange place.... It broke my heart to leave her there.... she looked up at me in disbelief that we were leaving her there... my heart sunk to my feet... She underwent blood tests and IV therapy... and two days later the prognosis was not so good but the vet sent her home with us becaus she seemed to be doing better. He was confident it was cancer but the main problem was in her pancreas which had all but shut down... So I brought my baby home and researched the best food to give her... and decided a trip to the organic market was in order where I purchased the ingredients to make my own food for her. And she loved it... for a while... and then she started to go downhill all over again.... and yet another trip to the vets was in order.... It's been nearly a month since this all happened and the tears still come so easily even today.... Bella was my first dog... my first very own dog and I loved her... still love her... like she was my own child.... that last trip to the vets was the last time I ever saw her.... and I am sick with grief over it. I miss her with all of my heart... we all do... and our lives will be forever changed because the love we have for Bella... our beautiful Golden Princess....
My heart goes out to you.. so sorry..
ReplyDeleteI wish I could reach through the web and give you a HUGE hug. This is so, so hard. I stopped by, and it broke my heart to read what you have been going through all these days - - - goodness, and now my eyes are full of tears for you. That empty place inside, the only cure I know is to go and hug a dog - snuggle on a pet, snuggle until the tears won't come anymore and the pain hits the bottom and you can say, without breaking, : Bella, I am so glad you never ran away, so gad you loved me every day, so glad you were there, here, for me when I couldn't or didn't know how to hold myself through the pain. You gave me love that now I have to give to me, and our home. You showed me what that means - forgive me for not knowing every single thing about what was going on - I am learning, I love you, and thank you for coming home with me. I love you, I miss you and I know you will never leave me alone, you are here. Love is so wonderful, it is and so are all of you.
ReplyDeleteI lost a Bella, too to cancer. Sending you peace, understanding and faith you will make it through. . .
(((((big hugs))))) Christina
Thank-you so much to both of you.
ReplyDeleteChristina, Your message made me cry... thank-you for your kind words. It totally touched my heart. With each day that passes my heart gets a little stronger tho the pain will never dissappear. I will love her forever, she is my fur baby turned angel. It was a priveledge to have her in our lives. Thanks again :)